Has anyone noticed that Beyonce Knowles has released about 40 songs in the last two weeks? What's up with that? Someone said to me today "Have you heard Beyonce's new song?" and I said "Halo?" and they're like "No, her NEW one". I swear she just released Halo yesterday. I'm starting to think that there is no explanation except that Beyonce is trying to take over the world. Starting with radio. Then Television. Then all the other forms of media. Then politics. Etc. Etc.
Things we would have to do if Beyonce ruled the world:
- Get a fro. This worries me because even after using a can of hairspray I can't keep a ringlet in for over 3 minutes.
- Pump our booties with booty juice so that we can shake it. I have already done this in anticipation for takeover. I swear. My booty is not naturally grande.
- Oprah would be compulsory. I'd rather die. Actually no, because if I died Oprah would probably do a special on me. And donate money to my children.
- We will all have to betray our friends in favour of a solo career just because we have more talent. If we dump Kelly Rowland and that other girl just because they have disadvantaged voices what about the one legged people?
- We will have to love our mothers. Ew. And let them dress us.
- We will be allowed to replace our friends with the attitude of "she's black too, no one will notice."
- We will have to pretend we're single even after our 50th wedding anniversary.
- Every single woman with any slight pigment in their skin will consider themselves African American and we will all live like sisters. In a box to the left